Confession of this heart

Soo I’m writing this for someone who by now should know who she is.. afrter all, i’ve been writing about ‘her’ for a long time now, and I really hope it blesses her heart and makes her feel special, because she is 😀 so without further ado, here goes nothing!

If I could have taken just one moment

to describe all you are

to let it loose in one breath

What’s kept inside my heart’s jar

That moment would last forever;

From that faithful day

Our existence was miraculously tethered

And oh what joy along this way!

There where many things that jutted out

like sharp blades piercing my brain

The wonder that was contained in you

Filled the holes that remained.

No words could truly do justice

To what happened and what i feel,

But there’s one thing you should know,

that what I feel is real…

 I thought that I should stop the charade and just speak my mind. Sometimes I get caught up in the syntax and lose what I really want to convey, so I’ll just say it. I have feelings for ‘her’. I have for quite some time now, and it would be absolutely horrid of me to ignore them, or to bottle them inside because I can safely say that I have never felt this way before about anyone in my lifetime. I’m not sure; I’ve never come into contact with someone like her, and I mean that in every good way possible… every flavor that she brought has been so wonderfully blended together: her smile backed by such raw emotion that it pulverises you with so much joy that you can’t help but return a smile her way, her essence of independence that makes her strong willed and dependable, the tang of her lightning quick retorts that are oh so enjoyable, the outpouring of talent that God has blessed her with; it appeals to everything I am and still amazes me to this day.

It’s as if God decided that each and every detail that I could possibly dream of He decided to place inside of her. There’s simply nothing that could be added to her that could make her any more perfect than she already is… I really cannot fathom why anyone would want to cause her pain, or if they did somehow, not want to rectify it as soon as they have the chance, for as I once told her, she’s too precious to stay hurt.

It troubles me deeply that, after having a glimpse of what lies in her soul, that such heartache burdens her. You all can rest assured knowing that I want to do any and everything in my power to help her heal, for her to grow to be the woman that she’s meant to be… and if she’s already this bedazzling, I can’t even imagine how awestruck I would be when her true person is revealed. God placed her in my life; I know this much. Just knowing that someone like her exists is enough to bless my heart and encourage me to soar to new heights and become a better person myself.  I’m not sure where God wants to take me along this journey they call life, but if it’s with her, it would be more than everything I could ever wish for….

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Conversations: Spoken Word

So I thought I’d do something a little different, so I tried my hand at some Spoken Word…. It was totally unrehearsed, so it was not perfect, but I hope it blesses someone out there… Enjoy! Love you all 😀

Should Writers Read Outside Their Genre?

Nic Widhalm is Mad

 

It’s a cold, rainy afternoon. The kids are spending the day at Grandma’s, it’s too wet for yardwork, and your significant other is at a conference on aardvark mating habits. The fire’s been lit, the blanket dragged from your bedroom…all you’re missing is a good book.

Quick! What do you reach for? Come on, you’re a writer, you’re never far away from a book. You’re holding one now, while you’re reading this, aren’t you? Is it fantasy? Romance? Star Wars Slash Fiction? Is it the same genre you write?

Should it be?

What’s the advantage to reading outside your preferred genre?

Well, you’ll be exposed to new writing styles, for one thing.

Cormac McCarthy. Let’s start there. I write fantasy, specifically urban, and spend about 300% of my time (outside aardvark mating season) reading books by the heavyweights: Rothfuss, Martin, Sanderson, Weeks—I know, they’re all epic fantasy…

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The hands that hold my world

Sorry about not posting in sooo long guys! I’ve been rather busy in the past couple of days but hopefully that will change… So I thought I’d drop a poem for you all; hope you enjoy!

When everything shifts off axis
You point me to my true North
Restore my soul with the Son’s energy
Charge me up and I burst forth
You tug me gently to Your side
Ever circling Your center
When I feel like exploding like stars
You always hold me together
No matter what comes my way
I know it doesn’t matter;
Jesus’s hands hold my world
There’s no place I’ll be safer

Staring through mirrors

A sorrowful symphony burdens her heart;

Locked in disdainful refrain

Not a break in sight to free her spirit

From the melancholy of her pain…

All breath ceased. 

 

In hushed tones her charade continues

As the tension in her chest builds

Not one tear is let out

As the pools in her eyes fill. 

Her eyes close. 

 

Hear heart beats irregularly

Thumping for the rhythm to be repaired. 

The syncopation of the joy inside her 

Has slowed too much within life’s crosshair.

Steady heart, please.

 

Open your eyes dear, 

Take a deep, slow breath. 

Look at what is before you, 

And see beyond your death. 

Who is waiting for you, 

What is standing right there?

Within this foggy glass, 

See now that I care. 

We may see dimly, 

And not eye to eye

But I refuse to stand here

And see the strife inside your eyes. 

No matter how much you hide

And shoulder the pain on your own

Understand how God made you, 

You were never meant to be alone!

He formed you, 

shaped you in His image and likeness

To show forth His love to the world

With measures of faith backed by kindness.

Let go my dear, 

Cast away the pains that you go through

Know that love has a face; 

He has always been watching over you.

 

 

 

Matters of ‘her’ heart: A crack in the wall?

Hey guys! I think I haven’t done one of these in a while, and so I thought I should take the opportunity to delve into one of my many fascinations once more…

Slowly but surely, I believe that she has been opening up to me; it’s just up to me to be aware of it. I remember fondly that time where I decided I’d take her out to a drum clinic… She doesn’t really play drums (yet 😉 ) but I knew she’d definitely love it, and on top of that, I was able to get someone in free on my ticket, and so I thought why not? I find it interesting that because of this experience, she was able to get someone to give her lessons in bass guitar, which I’d say is her passion when it comes to musical instruments.

Through all the annoyances and pestering that I bestow upon her, and her openly rebellious nature toward me because of it, there are always sweet moments that we share, that far outweigh all the foolishness that we tend to put on the table… of course, these moments are treasured as well; harassing her is so much fun 😀

There was one moment however, that I would love to highlight in our recent past. That night was perhaps one of the best days of my life, and of great significance to me. To know that she was there to support me on top of it, well… that means oh so much… it made the night even more swell than I could have possibly imagined!

Well, I’d best describe what happened, shouldn’t I?

That night was a big night, not only for me, but for my band as well. We’re a humble lot; still in need of more members but we make due with what we have because of our passion and desire for both God (Jesus Christ) and music. We would normally do song covers on some of the music that we listened to; it wasn’t always well received, by the elders of the church especially because of the style of music, but we still pressed on because we knew what we were about, and the vision that we were moving with.

On this night, we were doing what I never dreamed of.. we were doing our first original song. What impacted me even more, was that it was something that I wrote years aback that we where about to perform, and never in my wildest dreams had I thought when I wrote that song that we’d actually perform it before God’s people. I didn’t even know any of my band members back then!

Truly it was a new season in the band, and when she said she’d be there, I was ecstatic. She was going to be a part of this big event. So we performed the song, and it was amazing… the congregation, though small in number, lapped up the performance, and she loved it. What appalled me wasn’t that so much really, but what was to happen soon after.

The praise and worship team was short a few members, and though I had no intention of helping out before arriving, I just couldn’t sit back and let them be short of voices, and so I helped out. The service was just about to end and we entered an amazing time of worship.. it was powerful! That was an awesome time in His presence… and during that awesome time, my eyes happened to glance in her direction, and boy was I blessed.

She was hunched over, crying her heart out before her God and her King. Locked in like a prisoner on death row, it was clear the love she had for our Lord Jesus Christ, and that, in my humble opinion, is the epiphany of beauty. That moment when she was so profusely involved in the worship –  with her heart, and not her lips – is the most beautiful sight I could ever imagine of her… the naked passion creasing her brows as her voice poured out of her soul.. it’s an image that would be forever etched in my mind.

It’s in these moments that I thank God for her… the times where my influence could have perhaps been used toward her reaching closer to Him, when she could be blessed, and through it, I feel so blessed myself. I really don’t know how it happened, but I know that God placed her to cross my path, and really just season my life with such excitement that I never could have imagined. She once said that she feels that in some way, God was able to use me to answer her prayers, and I must say, that the same is true for me… If only she could know that somehow…

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Bride to be?

So today I had the privilege of attending my brother’s wedding. Hopefully I may be able to get some pictures to show you all, but due to a request made by the bride and groom, I won’t be able to show you the lovely couple. I can show you a picture of myself though, which should be more than enough 😀

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(That’s my niece, btw.., Isn’t she adorable?) 

Of course, one of the many questions that the relatives tend to come up with were shot my way. “What are you doing now?” “How is (insert relative’s name here) going?” And last the most common one that happens to be spat out of their mouths these days, “When is your turn?”

At first, it’s cute and funny. After just about the fifth person asks you, it becomes incredibly irritable. Don’t forget the love songs that they play at these events, that make you somehow feel that you need someone in your life, especially when you’ve been as single as the day you were born for all your days. I find it joyous and absolutely wonderful that someone could find that one special person in their life that they could say that they want to spend the rest of their life with, but on occasions like these, this self same question that irritates my soul springs its ugly head into my mind, as inevitably as the jeers from my relatives are to sting my ears.

When is my turn? 

Now mind you, I am in no way lonely, lacking self confidence or feeling that I need anyone else but Jesus Christ to complete me. I am fine just the way I am 😀 Nevertheless, I do desire someone with whom I could share life with; to build upon my weaknesses and synergize my strengths. To love, to hold and to support me as I journey within my own expeditions of life on this side of eternity. But who could fill these shoes? Who wants to fill these shoes, and if so, do I want them to fill these shoes? 

Perhaps there is someone in my life already, perhaps there isn’t. At the end of the day, no matter how much I want them to be that person for me, it all depends on her. And what she says, goes. Again, it’s not that I am in desperate need (or want) of a relationship, but I do look forward to spending life with that person who I can call the one for me. I know for sure that I’d treat her right, and put her second in everything I do. 

God comes first. 

I hope one day that you too could find that special someone, and that you both would be joined together under God for great exploits; both for His Kingdom and your future. Have a blessed day! 

Heart Surgery

Since you all loved the last poem I thought I’d put up another one.. enjoy 😀 Stay blessed everyone!

Mended_Heart_by_metaltamer

Even in this step I take
To get closer to you
As I walk I feel my heart break
And I’m lost for what to do
I feel like a fool
Squandering my life based on fortune
Please lord, use me now
And like a radio, help me stay tuned…
To hear your frequencies
Drown out my desires
Remove from me this heart of stone
And give me one set on fire
Help me to love and serve you
All the days of my life
And to stand on my own two feet
Even when nothing seems right
I trust you lord to see me through
And that you’ll be there for me
I’m under the knife, so cut me now,
Perform your Heart surgery…

Silence is her loudest cry

Thought I’d share this with you all… Hope it blesses someone!

There she sits,

Quiet and calm, staring through the eyes of her hurricane

the breeze brushes her face,

teasing her eyes as the tears came.

with her hand she brushed them off,

little glistens of sorrowful dew discarded just like that

and she returned to her withdrawn state.

hands folded on her lap.

faces pass by, examining the expressions of her heart’s mirror

clueless, they simply walk by

little do they know of the storm that brews inside

for silence is her loudest cry.

Why do you sorrow dear?

Your silence deafens my ears.

Your distance screams at me;

There’s nothing else I hear.

Your gaze longs for rest,

A reprieve from what burdens you

You look upon me in silence

and there’s nothing I can do.

But I know of one who hears the voice inside your soul

He sees the tears that eek out your spirit

In your quiet time where the winds rage

He sees, and knows of it.

All who are heaven laden, draw nigh

For Jesus Christ can give you rest.

I may not hear what your heart is roaring,

Although I try my best.

I turn you over now

To find your solace in Him

For Your silence to be broken by a still, small voice,

And His love to come pouring in.

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