Fresh Start

Let’s take things from were we left off

from where we fell apart

Pick up our missed communication

and head back to the start.

the hands of time can’t be turned back

neither  the distance grown unwound

but we can start again.

We can plant ourselves in meadows of springlike

weather

embracing the scents of flowers and roses

and flock like birds of the same feather

let’s punch in together,

clock hours toward working on this

endeavour to learn more

about the mysteries of each other

stop operating under false pretences,

because clearly it’s not okay

focus on what’s in front of us,

without losing our way.

Show me how to love,

and to direct it to your heart,

Let’s head back to dawn,

And get a fresh start.

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Singles night out????

Now, just to make myself clear, I am in fact within a relationship with a wonderful woman whom I love very much. I am by no means single. However, being the university student that I am, I happen to have a lot of friends. We all are in the state of just beginning to figure things out with our lives, and so things such as relationships aren’t exactly a priority in our lives (well, at least for my friends). Needless to say, I have a bunch of single friends. Regardless of this whole figuring life out thing, we all deem relationships to be important; whether it be because of society, lonliness or whatever it is that actually goes through your mind. So, many times when I’m around my friends and we get into ‘serious smalls’ (where smalls refers to conversation where I’m from) it often is centred around relationships.

From the single perspective.

Image

A few mornings ago, I was walking to work amidst some gloomy weather. I couldn’t take my usual route because flooding had already started taking place, which never is a start to a good day, especially when you’re commuting like yours truly. Meandering through the city streets, picking and choosing my way toward my beloved workplace, I happened to come across a very beautiful young woman, and I said good morning. Naturally. It was at this point as we walked past each other that traces of last night’s conversations when I was out began to course through my brain. Talks of preferences, and struggles… things I have gone through just about all my life but now have liberty from. And so I wondered… why was I even talking about this? Mind you, I love and appreciate all my friends, and hearing different perspectives about anything is never truly a disadvantage, but having people to talk about what you go through is even more of a plus that conversing about the things that you no longer go through. God forbid I somehow end up single again, these talks may come in handy but for now, they are mostly irrelevant. Rather than dismiss them and act like I’m above them somehow, choosing to distance myself from such talk, I recognized simply the importance of talking to those who are in relationships as well: those who can understand where you are coming from and perhaps have gone through the same thing. While no two relationships are the same, by ‘comparing notes’ it may just be that you are able to better understand your significant other and how to treat them right.

Jokingly enough, whenever we have these conversations, I always interject somewhere and say that I’m not allowed to partake in such conversation. Perhaps, at times, I really shouldn’t; but we see how everything goes.

Real Talk: Spilling the Beans

 

Picture a nice family dinner. It doesn’t have to be your family, if family dinners aren’t your thing. The table is set with the centerpiece removed to herald the coming of a steamy, plump rotisserie, its vapors enveloping the room with the fragrance of fine meet. Sitting next to it is a Pyrex dish filled to the brim with some fine baked beans, marinating in a sauce that you find simply divine. The rotisserie is staring back at you, beckoning to be eaten. The rest of the food fades into black, as you zero in on your meaty desires, when in your lust…. CLANG! You hastily knocked over that Pyrex dish, leaving a puddle of beany guilt that for some strange reason, still manages to give you gas although you didn’t eat it. You perhaps snuck a little flatulence as you profusely apologized for breaking this prized possession of family tradition, scampering around for napkins, cloths or whatever you can rummage to somehow facilitate the damage control. Despite it all, you know that you can’t repair the dish to what it was, and most likely, mom isn’t going to forget about this and you’ll be hearing this for generations to come. Your grandchildren might even hear about this! Yet, all this time, the corner of your eye is fixated upon the throne of what you want… the rotisserie still beckons you, seducing you to salivation…

Quite the messy situation, isn’t it?Image

I’m pretty sure you’re thinking after all that, that you are NEVER spilling the beans again. Through all the embarrassment, the hurt you caused to your mother and the effect it had on you that somehow every time the entire family gets together for a barbeque, or for a beach lime with a bess pelau, mom always brings it up, and your cheeks flush red with disdain. You wish you could take it back. You wish perhaps to be able to get a new Pyrex dish to replace the old one, though in your heart you know it will never be the same in her eyes. In fact, it might just be a constant reminder to her of that time when you spilled the beans… At least you had some rotisserie, right? Nevertheless, as you go on in life, if you ever had messy experiences like these, you’d probably think twice before taking a crack at that leg again. You are aware that proceeding could have negative consequences, and so, rather than go in pursuit of that favorite piece of meat, you sit back and let it come to you, finding the risk a little bit too risky.

Relationships are a lot like family dinners. You may want that special piece of meat, and without being sensitive to those around you, you might end up hurting somebody. Ironically enough, I’m not here to tell you to play it safe. I want you to spill the beans! You see, we all mess up in life, and so there is bound to be hurt, whether it is you who receives it or deals it. When the beans are spilt, it’s there for everyone in the room to see; and it’s not a pretty sight. The hurt is made known, and it is only at this point that healing can take place. It may never be the same, just like with that Pyrex dish, but that doesn’t mean you should hide it, because from the time that hurt is inflicted, it isn’t the same anyway. For all you know, life after “the beans” can be better than before them! It’s especially important to spill the beans if it’s your Pyrex dish that was damaged in the pursuit of rotisserie (That probably made very little sense, but just go along with it, ok?). When you are wronged, whomever wronged you may not even know they did, and so it’s important for you to tell them. Sometimes, they don’t even need to be the one at fault; just letting someone else know that you are hurting often helps a lot more than it should. The more you hold on to your beans, the heavier your Pyrex gets. And all that may lead to is more hurt.

Last night my girlfriend and I were reminiscing about the good old days. You know, the times just before you got together and were still in that phase of staying up late at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering if they think about you as much as you do them, and flirting while trying to make it look like you’re not because you don’t want to give them that power over you and all that good stuff. Somehow, that conversation took a turn whereby we not only talked about the great stuff, but some of the insecurities we had, and the stuff that hurt us during the course of our journey together. You’d be surprised at what you find out by simply spilling the beans! Overall, the experience brought us closer together than apart, even though personally it was difficult for me to bring up certain things, feeling that somehow it would be to my detriment. Without communication, life with a special partner is impossible.

Of course, it also reminds me of my relationship with my heavenly Father. He never held out on me, but I know for sure, I held out on Him. When I’d falter I’d wade in the guilt instead of spilling the beans, and if you think about it, it’s kind of like keeping beans in your pockets so that it won’t come out. That isn’t a pretty sight, is it? Needless to say, without communication with Jesus Christ, life on earth would be impossible. His words spoke life into us, and in Him we move and live and have our being. So why not spill the beans? 1 john 1:9 says that if we confess our faults, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I find that amazing.

So, when last have you spilled the beans to the significant people in your life? It may not be pretty, but at least you got a piece of that meat, right? And that’s a mighty fine thing indeed. I love you guys! And I’m going to TRY to get some order in this here blog. So I do pray you look forward to that! Have a nice day everyone!

(Photocredit to http://pinktrashtravels.blogspot.com/2011/04/spilling-beans.html)