Real Talk: The Mask behind Me

So it looks like today is Halloween. Just about every game app I own has some event or the other, which ain’t too shabby cause of all the giveaways and what not. And the scary movies (if that be your thing). We all can’t forget the costume parties and the trick or treating activities that go on come night time also. It is a time where people don many an identity and go out with their friends, pretending to be someone that they are not. What’s the big deal? Many people do that all the time, and don’t even have to wear a costume to pull it off.

But that’s enough raging about the world.

behind_the_mask_in_the_theatre_by_k_raven-d3ifotk

If anyone has experience wearing a mask, it’d be me. While it would have been some kind of awesome (and perhaps quite demanding) to have been a superhero, that unfortunately is not me. Growing up, I labelled myself as the lonely kid. I’m pretty sure people didn’t know, but yea, that was me. I didn’t get out much, because my parents weren’t ones to let me do it that often, and I didn’t have that much friends. Those I did have I didn’t get to form much of a deep bond with them because I lacked the ability to spend quality time with them. I longed for companionship, whether that be within the confines of a relationship or just being good friends with someone. It ate at my soul for years, and often this loneliness dragged me to dark places that I enjoyed yet hated, if you know what I mean.

In the midst of all this, I clearly remember God labelling me as His beloved son. It was His way of telling me that He loves me and always will, even if no one else chooses to. You could say it was the thread I held on to that helped me get through school back then. After years of praying and crying out to Him, I was finally blessed with people in my life that I can truly call friends and even family, for which I am ever grateful 🙂 yet many a time this label that I gave myself persisted above God’s. Old ways of thinking return, and with it, tethers to these self same dark places arise, and I’m not always strong enough to resist it.

In as much as this past haunts me, I’ve learnt to take the mask off. I’ve learnt that the identity that God has given to me is who I am meant to be, and that in it, I am truly happy. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that in Christ, all the old in me is gone. Through accepting Him, I accepted what He thinks of me, and now the darkness that once bound me is no longer free to do as it pleases any more. With His light in me, I am satisfied, full of joy and ready to share of what He’s done in me to others!

Do you wear a mask? Do you believe that there is nothing about you is good? That isn’t what God thinks of you. Everything He made He declared to be good, which includes you! You are the pride of His life, regardless of whatever you have done in your life. Are you tired and weary of wearing this mask? All you need to do to take it off is to come to Jesus and He will free you of your chains if you are willing to accept His help and believe in Him. I hope you do make that choice today! If you really want to and are not sure how, feel free to let me know. It’s really simple. Just ask and believe. Confess your faults to Him and your desire to serve Him, and accept His identity for you. You will NOT be disappointed.

Well I hope you enjoyed 🙂 I know I haven’t posted in a while, and I hope that I could put up something a little more often for you guys. I love ya’ll!!!

~Zecks

I Will Be All Right

Miles away from comfy shoresdiamond-wreck-615

Ship set sail long ago

Assailed by storms and quaking thunder

anchor lost asunder…

I will be all right.

Seeing friends turn castaways

lost in seas of yesterdays

and yester seasons, where they had the freedom

to journey with me,

I loved the time I spent with them,

and miss them dearly,

but alone I stand, stranded at sea…

I will be all right.

Tempestuous winds brew thoughts

that drive fear within,

fear of sinking in overwhelming currents

that beg to take me in.

It’s easy to follow them

sail stretched wide in this rain

knowing well that my mast should be closed,

But I guess I’m quite hopeful…

I will be all right.

Why? How?

I honestly don’t know.

I am not in control

But I do know, that in the midst of it all

My rescue will come.

My hope, from where comes my help,

I cry Abba Father

And before I know it, in His still, small voice,

He says peace be still…

I will be all right.

(artwork by Jon Foster)

Shine

You shine.

the dark corners of your heart

illuminate to reveal insecurities

inconsistencies that speak simply

to say that you’re scared.

Your glimmer lies incident

on planes beyond your comprehension

beyond all the reasons

that made you softly spoken.

Relax. breathe,

Let the rhythms of My voice be drained in

Into your nostrils and through your lungs within.

exhale, let go

to the strings that hold back chords

the ones that chant your lack of worth

In tune with the tunes of deceit.

They are not of Me.

They are not part of your brilliance,

For when I formed and shaped you

I knew that chains may hold you down.

but the shackles round your ankles

were but for a season

They were not made to coalesce

with the brightness of your identity

for they are rather dull.

They don’t shine like you do

They are not as bright as the Son Who lives in you

I’ve declared you free

to taste and see,

that you shine, for nothing but My Glory

Don’t be afraid my child…

for you are free indeed.

there is nothing to hold you back any more;

feel free to shine for me.

SHINE_Wallpaper_by_Thvg

(photocredit to http://thvg.deviantart.com/)

Return; to solace, to self.

The lights are off, and I sit with my headphones on doing nothing but simply enjoying the company of my fan and the few mosquitoes that refuse to leave me alone. A light flashes not to far from me; facebook calling, no doubt. But I’ll ignore it. Even though as I think about it now, the constant blinking is driving me insane, but nothing like a well planned repositioning of self to block it from sight, am I right?

It has indeed been a while since I last returned to this place. With everything blotted out, listening to my heart say the things that’s been troubling it while I spend the time trudging through life’s struggles, ignoring it because I don’t have the time to. You know you’re pretty tired of fighting when right after waking up from a power nap your troll of a brain asks you highly philosophical questions, like what is the purpose of existence, before you could even properly boot up yourself…. no? That’s just me?

Very well then.

So much has happened since I was last able to bleed my feelings on what used to be paper but now has upgraded to this space I call home, my laptop. Relationships came and went. Responsibilities donned like capes while everyone else sees you and thinks you’re Superman or something, and the joy of living alongside the few who see you for the Clark Kent that you are. Each and every day a puzzling yet amazing experience that you wish you could have in slightly weaker doses, but hey…  this brew of lemonade’s far better than a lot out there, so who am I to complain, right?

In most recent days, I’ve been thinking much about life. I’m almost at the end of my tenure as a university student, and before I know it, I’ll be tossed into the world with nothing but a piece of paper and a gown that’s supposed to somehow feed, clothe and shelter me for the rest of my days. I’ll admit, it’s pretty scary. I don’t even have my driver’s license yet (it’s a long story, but eventually turned into me making excuses to not get it) and this whole responsibility thing never stopped being surreal to me. These days I’m so busy that I hardly have time for my own family… what’s to happen when i decide to leave this house and start one on my own? Believe you me, employment’s probably one of the last thing’s on my mind. God has blessed me with it before, and He can do it again, so I’m not afraid 🙂

I’ve been thinking more about purpose. What am I doing with this life? Is what I’m doing now remotely related to my future? I sure hope so. Above all things, I want to serve Jesus Christ and His Kingdom with my life, and I don’t think that anyone would like to find out that what they’ve been doing is a complete waste of their time. At best, I’m confident that what I’m going through in this life right now has been and continues to shape me for whatever God has called me to do, and of that I’m sure. I would like to hope that wherever this life takes me, however, that a little Computer Science is useful, you know?

In recent days, I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to do a Spoken Word, both on campus and in my church and I was supposed to do it again tonight at a concert, but the concert itself got postponed till a few weeks from now due to unforeseen circumstances. The thing is, I wasn’t exactly sure I was going… I was given two tickets to go initially, and was planning to carry someone along with me but due to transport restrictions, they were unable to attend. I had some ideas of a backup guest or two, but it really didn’t help me to desire to go in any case. It would definitely have been a rough day for me today, and so the inertia to overcome in order to carry it out was great.

Last night we had a talent night in church. Within the service, I was reminded of the reason behind doing everything that I do; to the glory of God, and nothing else. I resolved to go then, even if I was to go by myself. It didn’t matter to me. It was in that moment (or perhaps some moments after when I recalled the experience) that I was reminded of something. I am His beloved son. He loves me. To you, that probably is totally unrelated to this, but to me, it means everything.

You see, growing up, I wasn’t the outgoing person that people perceive me to be. I was a lost, lonely kid looking to find company among those around me, and never quite found it. That’s when God, in His splendour and indescribably awesomeness, told me that I was His beloved son. I never forgot that moment, and from then onward, have always labelled myself as such in my heart. Whenever God calls me like that, I know He’s serious, and that I honestly need a reminder of it. So i remember all that I’ve been through, and in the midst of the loneliness I’ve been feeling recently, It’s nothing but good to hear that 🙂

It’s not often that you feel burdened with glorious purpose like that, so when you do, you make sure to make it count. I’m reminded of who I am, in His eyes. Frankly, that’s the only thing that matters. In the midst of it all, I remember who I am now, and that I have work to do here. The chaos grows strangely dim, even though it’s very much apparent, but you know what, it’s okay. Because He’s with me. And in His presence, there is fullness of joy, and at His right hand are pleasures for evermore (Psalm 16:11)

So, here I am, once again. If you missed me, I missed you too 😉 Hope you’re encouraged to fight on, as I’ve been. I love you guys!!! 😀 Have a blessed day, night, and everything in between…. Ciao!

~Zecks

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