With just under a week gone since the chaos that is finals passed, I’m surprised it took me so long to get back here and write my life out. I missed it 🙂 It’s been an interesting semester and an incredible year that’s passed me by. It’s truly challenged all that I am, and to be honest, I’m still not exactly sure who that is.
In fact, I’m not quite sure at all.
It flew by so fast. I’m sure there are many of you reading this that will agree with me. I remember praying about the year ahead waaay back in January, which almost feels like last week. In my experience, there’s always one word I’d receive that would describe my year around that time, and for this year gone, it was ‘laughter’. When I think back, there perhaps is no other word that I can muster from within the reaches of my knowledge of vocabulary that can truly describe it other than that.
It was a joyful, ironic, life questioning, satirical criticism of everything that was me. Sometimes, I laughed because I was the happiest man in the world; others because I was so confused that it seemed like the only thing I can do. It helped the pain… it helped me to not have to think about my circumstances, and gave me the a strength in order to shoulder my burdens and get things done. Of course, like a single word used to describe an entire year, laughter simply wasn’t enough.
I was crushed as each weight, one after the next, pummelled me into the dirt. Had it not been for a measure of grace being extended each and every single day, I don’t know how I could have made it this far. Sometimes I’d laugh because I knew to expect these things to happen, to the point where times when I should feel pain, I’d laugh it off instead of trying to sort my feelings out. I’d eventually train wreck myself back into shape, but that’s no way to live, is it?
I experienced quite a few things that were new, and full of interesting twists and turns. I had my first relationship, as well as my first breakup. I became the president of the Christian club I referred to often in my previous posts, among some other things. I wouldn’t trade what happened for the world, and I’m thankful for the lessons that they all taught me along the way. I thought I had a lot of things figured out, but then God just likes to turn everything upside down sometimes to really show you that there is more than this.
I guess I’m still a bit upside down, but I’ll be back on my feet again soon enough… looking at how much my life has changed in just these 12 months, it’s a bit scary to think of what’s to come, you know? I wonder what word will describe 2015? One thing I know for sure, is that I’m not ready for it in the slightest, no matter how much I think I am.
But I will be 🙂
I hope that your year was full of experiences that you can look back at and smile, but more importantly that you can learn from them as you look forward to the future. Those things have come and gone, and will never change. The only thing we can change, and prepare for is the future, so lets go on ahead and do that! Nevertheless, I’d just take the time to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 😀 Jesus Christ came to this earth, for one reason and one reason only: us. That’s all He cared about, and if it weren’t for us, He wouldn’t have come. I hope you’ll take the time, as I will, to reflect on that, as well as to thank Him for that which He has done in the past year and will do in your present and future.
Enjoy your day everyone! Love ya’ll!
It’s really been quite a while since I’ve come here. You know it’s been a while when you log in to a site and the UI changed heheh. Nevertheless, I’ve got quite a chunk of stuff on my mind, and from a lack of bleeding it out through my usual poetry or just plain talking it out, it’s really been rough.
Life is full of disappointments. To crown my recent batch of ‘lucky charms’ my tablet got a wee little crack on the screen just now and now it can’t function… like seriously JUST NOW happened. I’m really not amused by all this. It seriously has been one after another of unfortunate events. I feel as if Lemony Snicket has had his eyes on me. In the midst of all this, I’m still smack dab in the middle of finals in university, and so you could totally understand the humour of it all.
It’s just not funny.
About a couple of nights ago, I, due to foreseen but inevitable circumstances, spent an entire night on campus studying. This is not a norm for me, as I live about 45 minutes give or take from where I go to University, and commute via public transit. Aside from that, I hardly stay up all night… to study, at least. Within my one or two experiences, There was always this one thing that inspired me: the sunrise.
I don’t know if it was the fact that I just got through an entire night of no sleep or what, but seeing the sunrise was so invigorating. The cool of the morning calms you, the warmth of the rays of sunlight peeking over a navy horizon warms your heart and you get this feeling of triumph that’s inexplicable, but welcome. Perhaps, when finals are over and I have some free time on my hands, I might just stay up to see it once more.
How my life is right now, it feels as if it’s about 2am. The eleventh hour has long gone, and just about everyone you know is sleeping. But not you. You’re grappling with a bunch of things that perhaps, on a brighter day, wouldn’t be as big of a deal but right now, it’s killing you. Fatigue has set in, shoes off and lying comfortably in your couch while you wish you could lie comfortably in your bed, but to no avail. Your bed’s too far for you to use it now. There’s no way for you to turn back or run away. You just have to face your reality, with or without hope of brighter things to come.
Of course, there’s always the option of giving up. Regardless, it doesn’t chance the fact that it is 2am and you are stuck here for the while. Perhaps you may feel like I do. Perhaps you’re a little closer to daylight, or maybe you’re soaking in the radiant ecstasy of a day full of sunshine. Wherever you are, don’t forget to appreciate it, remembering that life isn’t simply as binary as day and night, but there are many times in between, that are all not guaranteed to last. Even in the darkest of times, there is always something, however faint, that can bring a little light to you. Even in the brightest of days, if we really wanted to, we could probably find something that isn’t so bright after all.
Most of all, never forget to look to the light of this world – Jesus Christ – for the courage and motivation to get back in, wherever you may be. He longs to help you through it all, and it’s as simple as asking Him. His help doesn’t necessarily mean that things will get easier, however. In fact, it is possible that things may get worse. One thing that you can be assured of, however, is that no matter what may come, He will be there with you to face it.
And that is quite reassuring indeed, if you ask me.