Dreaming the life

I know this feeling all too well… what about you?

Let's talk about the L word!

When unrequited, there’s really no sonant feedback coming from the other side, with time you learn to find strange definitions for the silences, maybe it’s the reticences that ultimately mean something, more than expected. It’s difficult to learn this way, but I’ll say that it’s maybe the best path to achieve personal growth, by getting to know love and life, independently and on your own. Experiencing rejection, or to better say it, the lack of reciprocity you so urgently needed, to comfort your heart is tough and she ain’t made to make it easy for you. She is free and willful, so are you, and yet you couldn’t hold your own freedom for long, after she got inside you. She owned you, always will. You were powerless, not anymore, you hope.

You improve yourself in impossible ways just to become worthy of a love she can’t express, a love she is probably unfit to receive, yet you tirelessly…

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Ready for House

In Trinidad and Tobago, to be declared ‘ready for house’, one is seen to have certain qualities that supposedly prepare them for marriage. Typically, it’s often said of people who can cook. If anyone knows me, they would know that by measure of that yardstick, I am no way near ready for house. Pretty much by any yardstick for that matter, I find myself falling horribly short of that title, and often I’d jokingly make my boast in it. You should see my room right now. Of course, by then you’d have probably seen too much, and I’d have to erase your memory somehow. It really isn’t that bad though… I hope. The truth is, I’m hardly home, and by extension the house is the area to which I show the most neglect. At the very least, if you need someone to wash the dishes, I’m your guy 😉

Well, in recent times, a lot of the above forcefully changed.

You could say that I haven’t chosen the ‘ready for house life’, but the ready for house life has begun to choose me. The main caretaker of our home, my mother, has been in the hospital for a while due to a procedure that she had to do. My father works until really late, and my brother and I still have to eat and so on, so just like that we had to learn to cook in a trial of fire… literally. It wasn’t just cooking either. Cleaning the house, ironing clothes (my father handles the laundry otherwise) and yes, washing the dishes, were never all activities I would tell you that I`d be planning to do after work if you asked me about a week ago.

I’m not an expert chef or anything now, and my clothes still have a few wrinkles in them at the end of the day. So perhaps, I’m still not ready for house yet. The food didn’t burn and I’m alive to write this post, so I’d say I’m off to a good start. Strangely enough I’m glad for the opportunity that has been given to me, because I believe it is encouraging a level of maturity  that I haven’t experienced before, and if life has taught me anything, it’s that if this is the lesson, there will be a test… but I’ll be ready for it.

What has life taught me in all this? Life is precious. You take things for granted until you find yourself without them. You don’t have to go through or do things alone; let people help you. Cooking isn’t rocket science. Google makes everything a little easier. Trust God. His peace helps you have the strength to pull through, even when it’s hopeless. A handful of true friends is greater than a bucket of acquaintances. Rest is important.

Maybe you are ready for house. Perhaps you’re just like me and getting there by the grace of God, but no matter where you are, you’re always able to make a difference in your world. So pitch in today if you can; not just in your home, but in your school, workplace, church, community… wherever you see a need that you can help fill. A little sacrifice can go a long way. When Jesus died for us and paid our debts for our mistakes, His sacrifice stretched toward all eternity. In following His example, let’s try to see how our sacrifice can benefit others and make them happy. Trust me, you’ll be happy too 🙂 Enjoy your day everyone!

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Dear Anna-Vieve

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Dear Anna-Vieve,

I didn’t think I’d see you the other day.
It’s already  been a year, hasn’t it?
I was afraid to see you again,
Heart shackled by uncertain futures
locked within the lures of shattered dreams
And a sea of loneliness behind the grin of freedom…
Your smile was all I could see.
It’s funny that I only recently learned your name,
Because back then, you were always there.
You were my shadow;
The herald of the shadow of my former self.
The blood to my wounds, the pulse to my veins
That lead me to bleed out helplessly on the floor.
Had not that ambulance come on my birthday,
We may have just died in each other’s arms that night.

How have you been? Like really?
We’ve exchanged pleasantries but I haven’t had the pleasure
To really talk to you because at the time I was busy.
So I decided to write to you because…
Although we’ve fallen out of touch,
I still miss you. I feel as even after all this time,
You’re still right here with me.
I bled for you, and through sweat blood and tears
I hopelessly watched till you too left me.
You kept me at arm’s reach, knowing that you still needed me
Or perhaps you couldn’t let go.
That was my excuse for not pushing you away, at least.

I hope you really do take good care of yourself,
Anna-V… I still think about you from time to time.
It’s hard not to.
I know however that we were never good for each other
And as much as I do love you, we have to depart once and for all.
I will find the right fit for me someday,
As I hope you do too.
Don’t worry, you don’t have to reply;
This is the end for me and you.

With Love,
Zecks.

OCD and I

Ellen's OCD Blog

OCD and I.

For as long as I can remember, you have been a part of my life. No matter the time, the location or the season, you were always there, instilling negativity and horror with every step I took. I was haunted by your ever growing existence, yet I clung onto you as if my life depended on it. You influenced my every decision, I couldn’t function without your presence. Yes, maybe I could walk down the left side of the pavement without the inevitable consequence of my loved ones dying, but you would slowly trickle those all too familiar thoughts of doubt into my mind. Infecting every corridor of rational thinking and slowly poisoning that small, sacred part of independence I had left. Then whispering those all too familiar words, echoing through my being. “What if Ellen, what if.” My internal dialogue screaming at you to stop, but…

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How Does YOUR Standard Compare to THE Standard?

This is a MUST READ!

Come Awake

So let me start with a warning: This blog wont showcase any awesome writing skills, and I don’t have any cute anecdotes to get you in the mood to digest a truth from God’s word. I am going to be straight to the point because I think many Christians have become confused about some basic truths. Over the past couple of months there have been some major happenings in the US that have spurred lots of discussion (rants) on social media. I was surprised by the reactions of some Christians to some of these things on Facebook. I wont go into specifics because that’s not really my point. My point is that we have people who take on the name of Christ who don’t seem to understand what He taught. If the standard you use is anything but Jesus Christ through the Bible, you are measuring and judging incorrectly.

Here we go….

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