On Being Social

Hi everyone! This is a piece from my past that I thought I’d share with you, since things here have gotten a little… dormant lately 😦 I hope you enjoy!

I follow her like twitter, in desperate hunger for her 135 characters that meander the truth that lies in deeper waters; wishing to slide in her dms and inquire further but it just seems like I’m somehow always blocked. Her account’s so private the only one who knows what’s in it is the Holy Spirit. I like and reply though, in efforts to pry into the solution she cries or hopefully dry her eyes. Now I know my Facebook status doesn’t read in a relationship but our  relationship is no secret. Sometimes though, it is a mystery to me. The memories are lit; back when things were legit and we’d love each other with hopes of mutual benefit, but now, she hardly reacts to me anymore. Not sure if it’s the memes but she just seems to not be there on my feed. Hers is still pumping though, but reruns run her territory these days. It looks like we do share memories after all. She responds in group chats but often she won’t text back and I’m left to wonder what’s app with that. Seen often but not heard from, but she’s been trying and I know it. I’m not on snapchat but I’d rather not use that to hear her stories. Or messenger. Or whatsapp. Or Facebook. It seems even excel may have stories soon too but it still won’t access the words that I desire from her. If you’re thinking she’s the worst ever, shut up. I don’t often know her story but neither do you. I have but a foretaste of what she goes through and I will lay waste to any who judges her based on what they see. Underneath she struggles. She huddles behind night screens and screams for release from things she wishes were but a dream, but wears a smile cause she knows she will get through this. She’s strong, but I wish she’d not use that as an excuse to bear it all alone. I just want to be the one she runs to post her statuses to. That when something exciting happens I’m the one she runs to instead of the world, because to her,  I am her world. It’s not wishful thinking, it’s just going to be a little way down the timeline. I may be bleeding, but I’m not dead yet, and I’m not going down without a fight.