Fyzabad and Pies

Fyzabad and Pies,
Two things I chose to reject;
New journey, old shoes.

You see, we were kindred soles,
Oxfords walking down  paths orhthodox for lovers,
But Oxfords ain’t really meant for walking.
Still we pressed on; in tandem with the clack clack
of giddy heels down the streets of Mucurapo  every morning,
Where of course, the fyzo stand was located.
With bated breath and boldface bravery
A stranger breaches the boundaries of my headphones to say

“Fyzo by two.”

It teased smiles from the corners of my lips like varnish peeling off
Grandma’s wooden floors but it never gets old,
For even though it wasn’t my destination,
They say home is where your heart is, mine always on it’s way
to where you reside, and so deep inside I’d always whisper, “soon”.
Somehow the pie man found this rejection to be
Premonition that somehow I’d be hungry,
But na. So uh. yea.

It wasn’t long before these shoes realized they’d be a bit too uncomfortable
for the journey ahead. Instead, you said that you’d need to go on
solo, And I respected that. The fact that we were so close
Led me to let you know that’d I’d hop on one foot if I have to for a while,
but you were so shook that earthquakes turned to chasms miles wide; you put some distance between us.

Like a cereal killer you crossed off these cheerios till it went from oooooh
to oh.
As in OH.
As in o-n-e.
As in one.
Cause it only takes one o to spell alone;
It only takes one o to spell lonely;
It only takes one o to win a football match… (what?)
It only takes one o to spell confused,
Cause it only takes one O to spell his name.

I mean, what did you expect?
The neglect I now understand
But what I don’t is the stance you took
To so proclaim your need to look to God alone,
But here you are hooked into the mould of a hyprocrite
Cause you did just the opposite…
You said you like cats, right?
Just double checking the facts, cause they
might just be another one of your lies.
Bruno Mars? That blue pack soldanza chips…
Plaintain? Plaintain is sacred so I pray you
Were honest with that one.

I know theatre is your passion, so
I’m just recalling your actions to decide
If they were an act or not.
You called curtains on us, and I didn’t see the play,
So I wasn’t playing coy to the fact that it was merely
A change of scene. An obscene ploy in which I was the
victim. I was your muse and I hope I played the role
To your liking.

So I’m back to sneakers now.
It’s easier to be casual in  my lonesome
Than caught up in the illusory fantasy
That we’d be a pair.
I hold the bees now. And from what I see,
This whole affair was far from beautiful.
I don’t hope he makes you happy.
He’s a good man, so he’ll probably do that anyway.
I’m just too grown to invest any more emotion
Into someone who still plays childish games.
Fire bun Fyzabad (except you Nicky, you a good  one),
And pie man, maybe one day I might give you a sale,
But grease and salt just sounds bad for my health right now.

Fyzabad and Pies,
Two things I chose to reject;
New journey, old shoes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

[Very Late] Year in Review – 2017

Recognising that the month of January has almost come to the close, I realise that I am quite late in doing this, but as some would say, it’s better to be late than never. And so alas, I sit here in the cool of a silent evening to write. How have you been? Often I stray from this place, but the dance of my fingers against the lobes of my brain always bring me back. I really appreciate everyone who’s still here in my journey, both in this blog and outside.

It’s been a rough ride.

 

2017 has been a mixed bag of chips for me. If you’re aware of the popular online challenge of eating mystery jelly beans, that’s how it felt for me, and for the most part, I got all the bad ones. There were some good ones in the midst of them, however. I graduated, and put out my first track as an artist ever. I also broke up with my girlfriend, and the funny thing is all of which I just mentioned happened on the same day.

This year has left me with more bruises than I thought possible, and it challenged me in every way possible. I battled depression, my darkest insecurities, struggled with my faith and basically lost every sense of who I was and how I saw the world. I wish I could say that I’m sitting in front of this screen, the clacks of my mechanical keyboard accented with a hint of the smug confidence of victory, but I’d be lying.  I’m still a broken soul, in desperate need of Jesus and in constant, sombre reflection of days past with a faint hope of the future.

I’m still faced on a daily basis with many problems and battles, and I’m constantly reminded that I’m far from perfect. I’m far from put together, and far from where I want to be. It’s in this state that the ever present, soft, still voice of God is often heard, when the bustle dies down and you’re sitting in silence. Sometimes, your world comes crashing down; and in the midst of the rubble of all the idols you’ve built, you see God face to face. With tears in your eyes you recall the love that you’ve been missing so badly.

Sometimes, your world comes crashing down; and in the midst of the rubble of all the idols you’ve built, you see God face to face. With tears in your eyes you recall the love that you’ve been missing so badly.

Looking back, it’s pretty easy to see God’s hand in guiding me through this maze. I saw Him in the constant, overflowing love and support of my friends who saw me sinking and didn’t turn away. I saw Him in the moments when I felt like life wasn’t worth living anymore, and somehow an encouragement would come at just the right time. I saw Him in the times when my plans didn’t work out like I planned, but the alternative lead me to grow to become better in the long run. I saw Him in each and every piece of poetry, guiding my hands as they etched my heart on blank canvases.

In the midst of my brokenness, I take heart in the fact that I know I’ll be alright. I know that He is God of the Hills, and the Valleys too. Every step I’ve taken thus far is but another step in the journey of discovering who I am, and who I’m meant to be, and once again, for those who’ve been alongside me in this, thank you. 2018 is upon us, and I expect great things to happen, but I now that it won’t be easy. To 2018 I say… bring it on!

-Zecks