My dystopia unravels before my eyes,
disintegrating world ties into dust and what I held dear with it.
If you could hear it, you’d hear drills excavating the substrate of my fear,
Catalysts to react in no other way
But trust in God alone.
In the midst are very real gems that stem from
Relationships built up before;
Constantly imploring me to be the best;
Yet locked in my chest is a dragon,
Locket abreast with insecurity that bellows
To purge them all in the same flame;
They’ll all be gone tomorrow, right?
As sandstorms rage, exfoliating security in sandy hurricanes,
I’ve been left bare as grains fade away,
Precious stones and cobble alike
Sifting between unsure fingers,
Undecided if to clench or not.
But it’s all fading away,
And I’ve rescinded all control.
My dystopia unravels before my eyes,
disintegrating world ties into dust and what I held dear with it.
If you could hear it, what would you do?


When all you can do is smile: Giant Steps and High Ledges

It’s not often that people have the courage to risk what they know for what they love. To me, that’s a sad thing. To know that there are things inside of you just ready and waiting to come out and show the world just how fearfully and wonderfully made you are, only to hush these notions; lips pursed against the comfort zone of daily routines and distant dreams.

Worse yet are the times when we silence the things that God breathed into us.

Back in 2015, if you were a reader of this blog back then, you may recall a blog post about a missions conference I attended. Interestingly enough, I mentioned letting go of my job, my potential future wife and [somewhat put-together] plans for my life, all for the glory of Christ. I’ve done exactly that, except for my job, and it just so happens that I spoke to one of my superiors today about letting go of my job.

Back then, God had placed something within me, that’s been burning and shut up in my bones ever since: a desire for Christian service as a missionary.  As excited as I was back then, it is only upon looking back now that I see that God was holding me to my word, masterfully pruning me until I was truly ready to give up all for Him.

With the recently passing Next Step Missions Camp hosted a couple weeks ago, that fire was once again stirred and a gentle reminder that there was nothing holding me back from answering His call other than myself, I went home and had a conversation with my family about this final decision.

I have decided to follow Jesus; I have decided to pursue His dreams.

No turning back.

I recall walking home one night prior to this camp. It was pretty late, and the bustle of the day had long waned since my departure from a taxi. Walking in the lonely road, the cool air kissed my face and not soon after I could hear God speaking, reminding me of the beauty of all that was around me. I was reminded of my purpose then, and that all these wonderful experiences that I’ve been having are but for a season. Things were no longer going to be the same, and I knew it.

I wish that I could say that there  was this miraculous encounter where I was caught up in a blinding light like Paul was, and lead right into His calling. In many ways however, I feel just like him. Paul was blind for three days, and had to rely on his companions to carry him on to Damascus. In many ways, I have no real idea of where I am going and have, both in the past and now, been encouraged and guided by friends and family in the faith. I know that I wouldn’t be where I am today if God hadn’t placed them in my life.

It’s quite the scary place to be in, feeling completely blind. Yet in the midst of it all, I have never felt so alive before. To simply be reliant on Jesus, as a child being solely dependent on His Father.  All I can do  is trust that my Ananias is coming, and that all things are working together for my good.

What about you? Is there anything that’s burning on the inside, just waiting to be released into the world?

Let it out. Be Free.