I sat in the midst of Chemistry class; too uneasy to focus. While the dragged, lifeless tones of the teacher were drowned out by the brooding of my mind, I padded on the surface of my chair, experimenting with the different sounds that the wood and metal made. It was to be but just a few minutes before the bell rang, and then it would be straight to I.S.C.F. But how could I possibly go there, in this state? Ever since this weekend, it was as if the Devil himself was bombarding me with temptation, and of course, I fell in sin. I felt disgusted; unworthy. How could I now worship God when I had done such a horrible thing?
My old ways were returning; my lusts and desires were rising their ugly heads in my mind, and I just couldn’t shake them off… and as if on cue, the school bell blared, snapping me to attention. A sea of white shirts rose for the lunchtime prayer, then drained out through the door to their own devices.
I merely stirred in my chair.
Andy sauntered in, giddy as usual with Bible in hand. After all, it was the moment he looked forward to out of his entire school week. He nudged me and dragged me there; I’m not sure if he could’ve seen what was wrong with me, but he didn’t ask about my glum mood.
After it was over, however, it truly didn’t matter; because God’s Word, in expert fashion, was able to penetrate my stone heart. Something about His love; it is independent of our actions. I may gave fallen short, but it did nothing to change the fact that God sent His Son, Jesus, to die for my sins, and that my debt was already paid. He saw all my mistakes, all the shortcomings I made and even those that I will make, and still decided to die for me. Isn’t that just beyond comprehension? But who can really understand the mind of God?
I know that I’m not nearly the man I should be, and certainly not the man that Christina deserves. But God’s working on me, so perhaps that’s why I can’t be with her just yet, and why He said that I must focus on Him… right?