It’s about 4am and I’m yet to have gone to sleep. The atmosphere is peaceful, and the breeze from my fan a comfortable chill against my face as I make my final remarks on a series that has been quite enjoyable for me. This is the end of it, yes, for this season of my life has long since been over, and it is only just that I treat it as such. It’s a funny thing, when you have first impressions about people; most of the time, they tend to be true. This experience hadn’t deviated from that truth either.
There was nothing between us.
To be honest, however, I’d say that that wasn’t altogether true either. There I was, a timid, wary young man taking a leap of faith into God’s unknown, trusting that it was His direction that lay my affections in ‘her’ lap. She, standing there alone with the weight of the world on ‘her’ shoulders wondering just who IS this guy? The adventure meandered around desire, excitement and definitely the move of God in both of our lives. I’d like to say that the events that transpired around this theme transformed us; preparing us for the battles ahead through divine planning. I know for sure that I can say that for my side of the relation (or lack therof 😉 )
There was this one key or legend that I always mused and fancied about; that mysterious thing that I couldn’t fathom for the life of me. That one thing that made everything make sense: her behaviours, mannerisms and general attitude. With 20/20 hindsight vision, I believe I see what that thing was. I can guarantee you, however, that it isn’t what you’re expecting. I’ve mentioned on several occasions that I saw so much of myself in ‘her’, through the way that she did things, while at the same time appreciating her uniqueness and the obvious differences that she possessed. I failed to realize, however, that the answer might not exactly lie within ‘her’, but rather in me.
That one thing that really made ‘her’ stand out in my mind had nothing to do with ‘her’, but simply was the sovereign will of our Lord and Saviour. I wouldn’t go as far as to say He willed us apart, as she had a choice in ‘her’ own capacity, but there where parts that God wanted me to focus on; those that I identified with and those that I admired, for, in fact, He was taking me to a place where those things become part of me. I can see much of myself in ‘her’ because God made that happen for me as well. Gosh I really hope that this is making sense to you all…
I am at complete peace with the fact that there is nothing between us. I’m glad for it! The reason for that is because I was able to not simply discover who she was, but to discover who I really am. For that, there is no recompense that I could ever give. It’s quite interesting that I always mentioned this girl within the parameters of single quotes. At this very time, I believe it was meant to be so because it referred to someone in particular, but not necessarily the one that I shall be blessed to share life with. I want the real thing, the “her” of my life, put in double quotes because it is someone speaking.
And that someone is none other than God 😀
Who knows, maybe I have found “her” already; that’s not in my hands, but in hers and God’s. I know one thing for sure: she’s definitely worth the wait.