To my love that I loved not

How I loved to huddle next to you
In dark rooms with bright screens
Enticing me with scenes my dreams
have yet to conjure
My aorta sliced with this knife like vice
And I bleed with the need
for my life to feed upon your ravishing beauty.
ravishing me so effortlessly
Devouring me with your devilish charm.
Eyes locked in, ready to pull the trigger
Cross hairs on your figure
Go figure I’m quicker than a sniper
as I take this shot I’m killer for
Your whisper got me throwing
rivers of my love away.
made me feel strong,
Powerful like a master
With my craft
Like any man with half a
Mind to listen to you.
Through and through
You showed me to
Open these eyes to
Feast on your thighs
And find pleasure in loving you.
I remember the days when you’d come around
Eyes peering round,
Searching for that caged mind of mine
Hoping that your love divine was just around the corner
You never faltered
Faithful as the sunrise, drawing me in like the tides…
You made sure I was satisfied.
It didn’t matter if it hurt, cause it felt so good
Even though I knew I should look away
It was okay right?
What’s a conscience to block this sight?
I’m happy, I’m free!
I’ll do everything and anything to please ME!
I remember when we took our relationship one step further
From the fervor of a night time surfer
You transformed me into a daytime pervert
Stretching my imagination to where the destination
Of your friends is within the breadth
Of my arms reach
A breach in their clothes as I peep
Through my minds eye.
Luring them to the sheets
All in the fleece of my sheepish acceptance
Of  promiscuous schemes for you and I.
But if I had to say the one thing I loved most
I’d make my boast of how you lied to me.
You made me believe that I was named man
That all of creation was in my hands
Within your plans,
I was the axis.
The nexus of beginning and end
That joy was my friend,
And it moved the world but in the end
I noticed.
You never loved me either.
My time was your fix
My soul and mind your hit
My brain kept loose yet hung in the noose
Of your parted lips and perfumed breath
I hung there like death
Behind your grin, savage
As it feasted on my baggage
Barbaric, toxic and selfish.
Making me just like you:
Fallen.
I was barren, heavy laden with my burdens
Mistaken into thinking that you could’ve made me.
You never loved me
If I had a dollar for every time you made me happy
I’d live in happy vagrancy
A lovely bankruptcy
Because your identity
Is simply my enemy.
You locked me in to your fabulous worldwide web
Filling me with spreads of  visual banquets
On lusts that I feasted
To destroy me.
To decoy me out of what God deemed manly:
His very image and likeness.
Which has no like for this
But true love and bliss
In respect for what He named Eve
Holy, sanctified and cloaked in Mercy
You see
He didn’t just love me,
He is love.
You were my love, but you see deceiver,
You’re not that clever
Because… I never loved you either.
If it makes you feel any better,
Just thinking of you makes me quiver
I can’t altogether digest
The process of how you made me feel
Wretched, disgusted and thirsty,
Hands searching for pleasure yet remaining lonely
But still thirsting of more of what scourged me.
I hope you understand Satan,
My love I never loved,
You don’t own me
For I’m captured by mercy
And that me that you crave so dearly
Has died on an old rugged tree.
I hope you know,
My sight’s don’t look to dark rooms any more
I’m done with that eyesore.
I look to marvellous lights above;
I look to Jesus’s love.

unrequited_love_by_captain_curly-d31j2u1

[photocredit to Captain-Curly]

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Song of the week: Treasure – Flyleaf

Hey folks! I hope you all had a great week 🙂 Another Sunday, another song. I really do hope you all are enjoying these here songs that I’ve been choosing, so I’d love if you could give some feedback on the selections thus far. Please let me know!
So why did I choose this song in particular?

The answer is a sort of interesting mix of reasons actually. There’s obviously the I love this song part… but also, my pastor had a very simple message that continued to stir something up within me that I’m yet to altogether understand in terms of significance, but it’s all good; I’m just letting patience have its perfect work in this matter. He preached on the responsibilities of the members of the Christian family, touching on the duties of husbands to wives and vice versa, as well as what is expected within the relationship between parents and their children. Being the single man that I am, I am free from any sort of duty toward a spouse. Some might say I’m blessed, but that’s straying from the topic.

What does this song have to do with any of that?

Well pretty recently I’ve somehow come to think about marriage, particularly because our pastor has been hovering around the issue for the past month, and like this song, I believe that the person you marry is someone worth treasuring. The song speaks of a refining process; where time and effort is taken to produce something of value, and that value is appreciated. It’s much like what should happen in a budding marriage, don’t you think?

So yea that’s been my thoughts. And my song! I hope you enjoy!

The God of Dreams

Beautiful words from a beautiful blog 😉

A Soul's Walk

Joseph had a dream or two
That sent him on his way
And though the world caved in on him
God kept him every day.

He must have thought that things went wrong
And must have wondered why
Yet all along the way he went
God kept him by and by.

The dream that sent him on his way
Must have seemed a curse
But then it happened just as shown
As if a reading verse by verse.

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Nehemiah, The Cupbearer Who Builds

A great read! I hope you all have the time to check it out for yourselves too 😉

Come Awake

If you have some time now, read these two posts first – “Nehemiah, The Cupbearer Who Prays” & “Nehemiah, The Cupbearer Who Goes.” If not, that’s okay, read on. 🙂

Nehemiah’s journey is one of prayer, then action. Prayer, then action. Not action, then prayer, but prayer, then action. The meaning of our action comes from the very prayers we prayed before, throughout, and after that action. Actions are meaningless without conversations with our Father. Actions are meaningless without coming before our Holy Lord in humility, in desperation for His direction, for His ‘go ahead.’ Nehemiah only acted after he prayed. And he didn’t just leave it at prayers; he was confident in acting because of the prayers. Prayer doesn’t leave us in unrest. Prayer changes us. Prayer gives us confidence. Prayer makes us brave. Brave enough to build. And that’s exactly what Nehemiah did – he…

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I Will Pursue You

I know you’re sitting there wondering
Smothering in mutterings of questions
For every day mysteries surround you
And you daily ask for strength to make it through.
I know.
I don’t know what it takes to get to
That place where I’ll get you,
In that I’ll understand the intricacies through which you were made
For you were Michelangelo’d to a angel bearing haloes
That circle around my mind.
Who are you? Why is it that my heart smiles
Every time I think about the isles
To which my love is deserted.
That on some distant shore my love is anchored
Tethered there by the will of the Saviour
That some day, in some way He’d come to our rescue.
I don’t know.
Till I figure out the latitude and longitude of these feels
The only real altitude to which this heart will steer
Is to the heavens with my Lord above.
But there’s one thing that I will promise you.
When I do, I will pursue you.
Now I think I need to make myself clear,
To straighten out the atmosphere
That once knowledge of you hits these two hemispheres
They will jolt my body into action.
Straight to my knees to thank the Father above
For even after this altar of love is established.
Our praise will forever blaze incense to Him.
Know that I will respect you as the daughter of a King,
The princess to my fairy tale
Wagging away the fantasies because we both see
Now face to face.
No longer in mirrors or dreams of
Dungeons and Dragons
For no longer must we imagine,
But only believe.
Together we shall perceive that which He conceived
From before this earth even received us.
A trust that in Him, we can do all things.
Through Him, we live and move and have our being
Which is no longer two, for I’ve found that good thing
To which makes these two become perfectly in sync.
And like N’sync this I’ll promise you
That I’ll take you into my arms
And hold you right where you belong.
So be strong until that day comes along
And know that my prayers surround you
As a scent to the rose you are.
That as you wait and thorns grow round
That you listen to the sound
Of the voice of God.
For though I’ve yet to trumpet
The fanfare of our love affair
Know that He speaks no ballad
But that your peace be like untroubled liquid
Flowing from your mouth to refresh
Those around you who, like you,
Have yet to be picked.
While my GPS directs
Me to where you rest,
Be still and know He is God,
Be still, and be blessed.

Song of the week : Holding on to You – Twenty One Pilots

Hey Guys! I know I forgot to put up a song for the week last Sunday, and also that it may seem that for the most part these have been all I’ve been able to put up, so I’m really sorry about that. Hopefully I’ll be able to up the content variety and make you all happy 😀 Cause I like it when you’re happy!

So as usual, why this song? Well my friend and I were swapping music when she introduced me to this interesting lot of music folk. She’s a special kind of awesome herself, not that that has anything to do with this but yea this was the first song from them I heard. And I loved it. Their unique style and the deep meanings behind their music are very appealing qualities that I often tend to favour. This particular song speaks volumes about many an internal struggle I’ve had growing up, and so I really do quite enjoy it. there’s another song form them that REALLY speaks about something I went through personally, but perhaps I’ll save that for another week, yea?

Hope you enjoy this one!

She walks on oceans

ocean-sunset-wallpaper1

She walks on oceans.

Sand is just too mainstream it seems

Or maybe the sands of time were not kind to her.

It exfoliated layers of stone

That no longer postponed

The dam that cursed for want;

and burst into streams

of salient dreams

To deep pools of lost devotion.

She walks on oceans.

Had not her heart been captured

the blood spatter would have surely ruined her

But she was met within the loving arms

Of a Saviour

To whom she said “I’ll be holding on to You”

But her Saviour knew that that wouldn’t do

For the oceans she trod upon would drown her.

He placed her feet upon the Rock

In the midst of her ocean a stark

Reminder of how fragile she was

and how sturdy was He.

She still saw the turbulent waves

But gave praise because she knew that for now,

She was all right.

Her Saviour was not done with her, however.

He gathered the oceans together

added some colour

And flooded the palette of her broken heart.

He whispered in clues

of contrasting hues,

“Don’t forget how amazing you are.”

For she was beautiful, with kind spirit and grace

that glistened when smiles creased her face

And eyes that were dappled with a wonder

Of how great and Mighty be her Creator.

It was now clear that what her Saviour brought together

Was perfectly suited to adorn her.

A dress of wisdom, holiness, peace and love

But most of all,

The mark of true beauty,

For with this gown did He pronounce his love for her.

The Love-Sick post

Hi. I’ve been sick all week, and on checking the time, I realize that it’s Valentine’s day. Happy Valentine’s day, by the way. Anyway, that’s exactly why I named this the love-sick post. Wasn’t what you were expecting? Well too bad :p

As I clear the mucus from my throat for the umpteenth time, I thank God for the small mercies… and the big ones too. I met a group of spectacular people from Delaware as I mentioned not too long ago, and they changed my life. They reminded me first of all that my world is not only as big as Trinidad, which, in case you didn’t know, is really small. They encouraged me to dream big; to recognize that God doesn’t have limits like we do, so we should stop acting like He does. They taught me that prayer covers miles without even breaking a sweat, and gave me a glimpse of what the bride of Christ must really look like: people of all backgrounds, nationalities and other diversities supporting and encouraging each other as we all go forward making Him smile 🙂

They unlocked a part of me that I didn’t know I had. For that, I am truly thankful. It’s been a time of non-stop going, running, walking cause I got tired running, planning, dancing singing studying evangelising hanging out mind-getting-blown-from-all-this-awesome-to-process bliss, but having gotten sick (most likely because my body was so tired from doing all the above) I have finally come to a place of rest. Ironically, I can’t sleep.

The time has come to look ahead. That which has gone is gone, and there’s an entire life ahead of me. My tenure as the President of our IVCF chapter is almost over, and there are successors to be chosen. My tenure as a University student is almost over (well at least in terms of the degree I’m currently pursuing) and my plans after are about as in the dark as the night outside right now. A job, a place to call my own… a spouse… all these things hang up in the air right about now. Of course, I toss these thoughts aside and ponder what God is saying the next step for me is. I understand that God is preparing me for something new, and so all I’m aiming for now is to place myself in a position to hear from Him and from His Word.

As I do look ahead, I recognize that the road ahead is dimly lit. I recognize that on this walk, I’m not alone. I take the time to appreciate everyone who’s been with me on this journey thus far, and look forward to those who will take the first step and more with me in the future. There is no fear; only a calm peace, like the crisp air that tickles your nose as you stuff your hands in your pockets and shuffle down the empty street, teasingly caressed by the halogen fingertips of the street lights above.

Lonely_Road_at_Night_by_skierscott

Song of the week: Wish You Well – Thousand Foot Krutch

So this week I actually managed to do the song on Sunday (sorta?) At least according to my standards, it’s still Sunday until I go to sleep and wake up tomorrow, or at least until sunrise. No? Well you’re free to think how you want to 😉

I actually chose this song for a reason this time! Within this week gone by we had some people from the University of Delaware come on our campus through our Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship group, to partner with us to do some evangelism. Over the week we bonded so much, and while last week they were strangers, now they are family. They will be boarding a plane back to their home country in a couple of hours, and so we spent tonight hanging out with them for one last time.

It’s a bitter-sweet experience for me; for last year a group came as well from the same campus and I wasn’t very involved with them during their stay, so I ensured that this time around, I got to know them. And I’m extremely glad I did. We connected like if we knew each other all along, and we can attribute that to nothing less than the love of Christ that dwells within all of us.

On their journey back, I really do wish them well. I hope that they find who they are in Christ, and that they really do make an impact on their campus where they study. I hope that they live wonderful, happy lives fill with God’s grace and anointing in their life. I pray that we continue to talk one to another as much as we can, and that by some crazy freaky way, we can meet again someday.

I’ll have to go into more detail about the experiences we share, but perhaps later on this week. I do have a university life to see about after all hehe 😉

Hope you enjoy this one!